


don't hate me, i'm only here tonight

by orphan_account



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Multi, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 15:04:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaworu works at a strip club that Asuka and Shinji visit on one of their impromptu dates. Kaworu catches Shinji alone and things get heated, and after they left the club, Shinji thought it would end there. But after they run into each other a couple more times, Shinji realizes he's in over his head. Multichapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i never meant to write an au like this  
> i just wanted there to be something sexually charged for an otherwise sad ship
> 
> also on tumblr

Shinji hated when Asuka dragged him along to strip clubs with her. She would always call it a “date,” but Shinji knew deep down that she just wanted to see the strippers dance and have nothing to do with him. This was proven by the fact that she stood a good 20 paces away from him while they watched the show. 

“Aren’t we supposed to be together, Asuka?” Shinji asked, dodging a waitress who carried a tray of drinks and making his way towards her.

“Are you stupid? Of course we are! I just need my space! A girl needs some room to breathe, you know?” she announced, then slipped a pair of oversized sunglasses on and turned away from him. Shinji sighed. He might as well enjoy the show while he was here, even though the clubs Asuka brought him to featured mostly male dancers. A dancer with silver hair over on the left side of the stage caught his eye, and he decided to watch him instead of focusing on how out-of-place he felt. Even with the strange color of his hair, he looked to be young, maybe college age at least. Beside him, Asuka was cheering loudly in his ear. When the cheering stopped, Asuka was reaching into her pocket and fished out a crumpled five dollar bill.

“We have to tip them, Shinji,” she explained. She pushed her way through the rows of spectators and slipped it inside of the G-string of the nearest dancer. Shinji was shocked. Could she really do that?

Shinji reached into his wallet for the first dollar bill he could find, crumpled it into a ball and tossed it onstage in the general direction of one of the dancers. He wasn’t nearly bold enough to tip them the way Asuka did. After watching for a few more minutes, most of the original dancers had left the stage to be replaced with new ones. Asuka tugged on his arm.

“I’m going to get a drink. Wanna come?” 

“Oh. Right. Sure,” Shinji mumbled. Asuka weaved through the crowd towards the bar and after a long pause, Shinji followed her. Asuka was already at the bar by the time Shinji was trying to push his way through the thick crowd of people. She was leaning over the counter, striking up a conversation with the bartender. Shinji was even madder than before. Whenever Asuka took him on a date, it was always mandatory, and Shinji never got to choose when or where. He suspected Asuka only chose him because she got bored occasionally and he was an easy target, to her. 

Shinji noticed someone pushing his way through the crowd towards him. It was that same silver-haired dancer that Shinji had been so focused on before. Shinji looked back quickly. Asuka already had a drink in front of her and was chatting it up with a male patron who looked to be at least five years older than her. Well, it figured, older guys had always been her type since they were in high school, but Shinji couldn’t help but be a bit annoyed.

The dancer tapped Shinji on the shoulder. He turned on his heels to face him, more than a bit surprised.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked. “I’m Kaworu Nagisa, by the way, I perform here.”

“Shinji Ikari,” Shinji replied. He wasn’t enjoying himself, but there was no way he was going to say it to Kaworu. He stayed silent.

“You don’t look like one of our usual customers, Shinji. What brought you here today?” 

“I came here with my girlfriend actually,” Asuka wasn’t really his girlfriend, not officially. But any title was better than nothing. 

“Where is this girlfriend?” Kaworu asked. 

“Um, at the bar. Red hair, yellow dress,” Shinji fidgeted and looked back at where Asuka was. Asuka was laughing at a joke the older man had told and then put her hand on his shoulder. The man leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, and she laughed again. 

Kaworu raised an eyebrow at Shinji, and Shinji muttered something under his breath.

“You look tense,” Kaworu continued. “I can think of a couple of ways to help you relax.” 

_He’s hitting on me. I can’t believe one of the strippers is hitting on me._ Shinji looked around for Asuka. She was still at the bar, an empty glass and a full one in front of her. She probably expected him to meet her there, that or she had forgotten all about him. She certainly did have better company. 

Shinji didn’t know what else to do, and he certainly didn’t want to stay there, so he left Asuka behind and followed Kaworu to a private room in the back of the club. 

“75 dollars for a lap dance and then I’m all yours,” Kaworu offered. His gaze was tempting, almost seductive in a way. The lights in that room were dim, and it was sectioned off by a thin curtain. Shinji could still hear the music blaring in the background, loud electro pop that made his head feel numb. He reached for his wallet with trembling fingers, counted out the money and handed it over. Kaworu slipped it into the waistband of his short shorts like Shinji had seen Asuka do to the other dancer. The ends of the bills were still visible, sticking out over the top. 

Kaworu straddled Shinji’s waist and ground his hips against him. His hands ended up on Shinji’s shoulders, his head resting against his neck. Shinji felt his lips against his skin, and he was hard already, but Kaworu didn’t seem to care. Kaworu’s lips grazed his earlobe, and he felt teeth in the same spot. Shinji still didn’t know where to put his hands, so he kept them at his sides, elbows stiff. Kaworu pressed down against him, and Shinji’s breathing grew in speed. It would be embarrassing if he lost complete control of himself, but Shinji was sure Kaworu had seen worse. Shinji brought his hands up to rest on Kaworu’s ass. It was a bold move, and something he wouldn’t usually do, but the circumstances called for it.

Not to mention Shinji was seconds away from a very sudden orgasm and Kaworu showed no signs of stopping. Finally, when he was so close he felt he couldn’t take it any more, he put both of his hands on Kaworu’s bare chest and pressed against him a bit, almost trying to push him off.

“S-stop, Kaworu. No more,” His face was bright red, and just the fact that Kaworu was there and so close to him made him want to lose control. But Kaworu stopped, and Shinji got up from his seat. 

“Thank you,” Shinji said. He was breathless as he ran to the bathroom and locked himself in a stall. He didn’t dare process what just happened until he was wiping his hand off with toilet paper and tucking himself back into his pants. All he knew was that Asuka was going to kill him.

“Where have you been all this time? We were supposed to leave 20 minutes ago!” Asuka said. Her manicured fingernails dug into Shinji’s arm. 

“Ow. I stepped out for a bit. Got some fresh air. We can leave,” Shinji said. Strangely, Asuka didn’t protest after that, even though Shinji was positive she didn’t believe him. They got in the car, and Asuka drove them home.

—————————————————————

It was over a month before Shinji ever saw Kaworu again.

“Get the frozen peaches, Shinji. You know Misato doesn’t like canned,” Shinji grabbed the bag of frozen peaches and added it to his ever growing armload of groceries. They were both roommates in college, not to mention sharing a room with a woman much older than them who was working on her PH.D. People still believed that Shinji and Asuka were sleeping together, even though they had only so much as kissed a couple times because Asuka was bored. 

“Why didn’t we get a cart?” Shinji asked.

“Misato only wanted us to get five things. That’s too few things for a cart, idiot,” Shinji noticed that Asuka wasn’t carrying anything.

“She wanted ramen too. It’s right down that aisle,” Asuka said. Shinji turned down the aisle and bumped right into someone. Frozen peaches and prepackaged foods went everywhere. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. It was my fault. Let me help you,” The food was gathered up and shoved back into Shinji’s hands, and when he looked up at the person he had bumped into, he saw a very familiar face. Silver hair, red eyes, and a smile that could melt all the frozen peaches in the supermarket down to mush. 

“I think I know you from somewhere,” Shinji said.

“I remember you. You’re Shinji, right? Shinji Ikari,” he said. “I met you while I was at work.”

“Work?” Shinji asked, completely puzzled. Then, it clicked. “Oh.” 

“Don’t worry, the only reason I do it is to pay for college. Most of the things I do at work are an act anyway.” Kaworu smiled so easily when he said that. It was different from the side-eyed smiles he was giving Shinji the first time he met him, like he was undressing him with his eyes. This smile was light, effortless. Like he actually meant it.

_Even so…_  
“Shinji, do you have the ramen?” called Asuka from the end of the aisle, her hands on her hips.

“Not yet,” Shinji admitted.

“If you have to go, I won’t stop you,” Kaworu said. “But before you go, I have to tell you something. There seems to be something different about you. Something that makes you stand out in my mind.”

“Why do you think that?” Shinji stood up, balancing the Top Ramen in his hands, and faced Kaworu once more.

“Because I remember your name,” Kaworu said, and a sincere smile lit up his face. Shinji grinned, and even when Asuka led him out of the store, he was still smiling, even when there was no reason to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has no smut, just a kiss scene and a fight scene. Hope that's punk rock enough.
> 
> uwu~

Misato was passed out at the table at 8 PM after cramming for finals and Asuka was angry and bored. She grabbed Shinji by the wrist while he was listening to his music, dragging him up off his seat.

Shinji took one of his headphones out of his ear. “What do you want?”

“We’re going out again, Shinji. I found a great bar in the next town over.”

“Not the same place?” Shinji asked. He shouldn’t be disappointed, but somehow...

“Why do you want to go back there, you hated that place. Let’s go, before Misato wakes up,” Asuka said. 

“Shouldn’t we leave a note at least?” Shinji asked.

Asuka paused. “Nah.”

They made it there right on time. Asuka dragged Shinji over to the bar, where they both sat on adjacent barstools. Asuka leaned over the bar. Shinji could see a tiny bit of cleavage peeping out of her dress.

“Are you staring at my boobs, idiot?” Asuka asked.

“No,” Shinji said, looking down at the table.

Asuka ordered drinks for both of them. The drinks arrived after a while, fruity concoctions that Shinji wouldn’t have ordered for himself. But he drank it anyway, because if he was going to be there he was going to get something out of it. 

Asuka was ignoring him again, and talking to the person sitting next to her at the bar, but it was obvious she was getting overwhelmed.

“So what’s your name, girl?” he asked. He reached forward to brush a strand of hair back behind her hairclip, and Asuka shuddered.

“That’s none of your business.”

“I bought you a drink, babe, the least you can do is tell me a bit about yourself,” he said. “I’m not like the other guys who will break your heart, I’m patient, I’ll listen.”

“Ew,” Asuka said, and turned back to her drink.

“Are you bothering her?” Shinji asked.

“And who are you?” asked the offending patron, standing up.

“I’m Shinji Ikari, and I’m her boyfriend,” he said, and put a protective hand on Asuka’s shoulder. There he went again with the boyfriend thing, but Asuka didn’t seem to mind.

“You wanna fight me?” he asked.

Shinji didn’t reply, just stood up. They went out the back door of the bar into the street. His opponent was a good head taller than him, and looked like he’d been in quite a few fights before. Shinji threw the first punch, but his arm was grabbed by his opponent. His opponent swung, punching him in the face, then the gut. Shinji fell to the ground. Asuka was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, his opponent fell to the ground, unconscious. Standing behind him was Kaworu Nagisa, a broken bottle in his hand.

“I hate to break up this fight but you look like you needed a little help there!” he said, helping Shinji up off the ground and dusting him off. 

“Thanks,” Shinji said. “How did you know I was in trouble?”

“Maybe it was fate,” Kaworu answered. “Or maybe I just happened to be in the area.”

“Whatever it was, I’m glad you were there,” Shinji admitted. 

“Do you want to grab something to eat?” Kaworu asked. “It’s getting late, but I know a few places that are open 24 hours. I’m assuming you don’t want to go back to that bar.”

“Well, I would love to, but Asuka’s still in there,” Shinji said.

“I’ll invite her too,” Kaworu said with a smile. Shinji returned to the bar and told Asuka of their plans. 

“So you want me to go out gallivanting all over town with someone you barely know?” Asuka asked, jabbing him in the chest with a chewed-up plastic straw. “I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know you were that stupid.”

“It’s just this once, Asuka. You can just drive back home, if you want, I’m sure Kaworu can take me back in his car.”

“Wait. Where did you say you met him?” Asuka narrowed her eyes.

“Uh,” Shinji stalled for an answer. “We go to the same chess club together.”

“I didn’t know you went to chess club,” Asuka said. “What a geek.”

“I totally do, and I’m not a geek.” Shinji said. “Now are you going to drive home, or are you going to join us?”

So that’s how it came to be that the three of them were sitting around a circular table together, drinking coffee at 10:00 at night. They talked about nothing for 20 minutes, still trying to adjust to it being the three of them together instead of Shinji and Asuka or Shinji and Kaworu. When the waiter had taken their empty cups away, Asuka asked it.

“So how’s chess club going, Kaworu?”

“What are you talking about?” Kaworu looked to Shinji for an answer.

“Don’t you and Shinji go to chess club together? Shinji told me that’s how you two met.”

“Well, actually,” Shinji started, but Kaworu cut him off.

“This might be a bit embarrassing, but I met him at that strip club you went to at the edge of the red light district. Angel Fire? I work there.”

“Oh, so you...?” Asuka trailed off. She trailed her finger in a bit of spilled sugar on the table, making patterns, then put her finger to her lips. Shinji watched her. A few moments of silence passed. Kaworu cleared his throat. 

“I perform there.”

“Oh,” Asuka shot a nasty glare at Shinji. She tapped her nails on the table, but still didn’t say anything.

“I was going to tell you eventually, Asuka,” Shinji said.

“Well, it’s no big deal,” Kaworu said. “Considering we’re friends, there shouldn’t be any secrets between us, especially not something as simple as my job. We are friends, right?”

“Yeah,” Shinji said. Asuka nodded. And that was the end of that discussion. They ate in silence for the rest of the night, occasionally bringing up subjects that didn’t really matter, like school, or the weather, or complimenting each other on their clothes or their hair. 

They split the check, and Kaworu stepped outside for a moment while Asuka was in the bathroom. Shinji caught him standing around the corner smoking a cigarette.

“Do you want one?” he asked.

“No, thanks,” Shinji said. 

“Tell me, do you love her? Your girlfriend,” Kaworu asked.

“N-no!” Shinji announced instinctively, then caught himself. “Maybe...”

“Do you love me, then?” Kaworu asked. He blew smoke into the air.

“What? Don’t say things like that, Kaworu,” Shinji said. 

“I see,” Kaworu said. “Well, then, who do you love?” 

“I guess I don’t love anyone right now,” Shinji said. “It’s a very strong word to use so casually.”

“If you close your heart to love, you close your heart to many opportunities that have been gifted to you. Remember that, Shinji Ikari.” 

Kaworu ground out his cigarette on the wall and walked away. As he walked by Shinji, Shinji grabbed his wrist. He turned, and that’s when Shinji decided to kiss him.

It was a frantic, spur-of-the-moment kiss, lasting barely two seconds. When Shinji pulled away, he noticed he had shifted from gripping Kaworu’s wrist to holding his hand.

He had tasted like smoke.

“I have to go,” Kaworu said, “but it was nice being with you, Shinji Ikari. I hope to see you soon.”

He squeezed Shinji’s hand lightly before walking across the parking lot to get in his car. Shinji stood there, not believing what he had just did. It was only a few seconds until Asuka burst through the double doors. 

“We’ve got to go. I’m tired, it’s midnight and I need my beauty rest. Where’s your friend?”

“He already left,” Shinji said.

“Oh, then let’s go already. We don’t want Misato to think we joined a gang, even though knowing her, she’d probably want to join too.”

Thankfully, they made it back in time. But even after going to bed, Shinji couldn’t sleep. He thought about the day’s events, the fighting and kissing and cheap coffee and cigarette smoke floating away into nothing. He thought about the day he had first met Kaworu. He thought about how he felt it was so easy to hate someone, and so hard to love someone. 

He switched songs on his mp3 player and buried his head in the pillow. It was so hard to sleep these days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gunshot gunshot gunshot cash register noise

Shinji decided to consult with his friend Rei after his first lesson. They had been friends since high school and took most of the same courses together. She seemed to be kind to him, even if she was often soft spoken. He wouldn’t usually ask for advice on matters like this, but the situation seemed to call for it.

“Rei, I need you to help me with something,” Shinji said, tapping her on the shoulder. “I need advice.”

“Oh,” she said. “What do you need me to help you with?”

“I think I fucked up big time with Asuka. I’m doing something that’s really awful, but at the same time, I don’t want to stop,” Shinji said.

“That could mean a lot of things, Shinji.”

“It’s about a guy, Rei,” Shinji admitted when they reached the end of the hallway. Rei turned around to face him.

“Do you feel deep down that what you’re doing is wrong?” she asked. “Do you doubt yourself and doubt your reasoning when you’re with him?”

“Well, no,” Shinji said, “but-”

“Then keep doing what you think is right,” Rei said with a smile. 

Shinji smiled back. “Thank you.”

Asuka confronted Shinji when he was about to head back to their dorm room.

“I’m going to be out with friends tonight. Try not to burn the entire dorm down while I’m away.”

“Yeah, Asuka, I’ll try,” Shinji said.

“Oh, and I saw you talking to Rei. Why are you friends with her? She thinks she’s better than everyone else and I don’t like her,” Asuka scowled.

“We’ve been friends since high school. You should get along more with her,” Shinji sighed. Sometimes it was nice being with Asuka, but other times it felt like he was beating his head against a brick wall. “I’m heading back. Have fun with your friends.”

Shinji didn’t hear a reply until Asuka was about ten yards away from him. “More fun than you’ll be having tonight!”

Shinji went back to the strip club that night when Asuka was away. Normally, he wouldn’t dare touch that place when he was alone, but he seemed to be drawn to it after everything that had happened recently. He didn’t even know if Kaworu would be working there, but as soon as he stepped into the club, he saw him. 

Kaworu was up on stage, front and center. Shinji pushed his way through the crowd to get a better view. Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it was a mistake coming here alone. But when he got closer, he knew without a doubt that it was him. This was truly the biggest mistake of his life. 

Shinji was fascinated by Kaworu. When the lighting was just right, it was so easy to focus on just one person, even with the electric pop music making his ears bleed. As Kaworu walked up to the front of the stage, he locked eyes with Shinji for a moment before turning around and linking one leg around the pole behind him. Shinji could do nothing but stare. 

Shinji remembered what Asuka had said about tipping the dancers, and right as Kaworu walked up to the edge of the stage again, he approached him, $10 bill in hand. This time, he was brave enough to do what Asuka did last time, and stick it directly in the waistband of his shorts. Kaworu looked directly at him, and Shinji thought that he might have recognized him. There was no time for that now, though. He was performing now. Shinji couldn’t intrude.

Shinji took a bathroom break for a couple of minutes, washed his hands, and splashed his face with cold water. However, when he returned to the club, Kaworu was no longer onstage. Shinji couldn’t find him anywhere in the crowd from where he was standing, and he felt sick from everyone pushing and jostling him on their way to the restrooms. He got anxious all of a sudden. Maybe it was a mistake to come here in the first place. He headed to the bar.

Shinji sat down at the nearest barstool and ordered a shot of tequila. He usually didn’t drink when he was alone, but he needed something to calm his nerves. He took another shot. Another. He stacked his empty shot glasses one on top of another and stared at them thoughtfully. The multicolored lights from above the stage shone through the glasses and made brilliant spots of color on the surface of the bar. He should never have come here. 

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?” Shinji turned around and there was Kaworu, leaning over the bar and smiling at him.

“Looking for you,” Shinji managed. He placed one hand on Kaworu’s chest and made a feeble attempt to push him away.

“Now, then. Is something troubling you?” Kaworu asked. His smile was kind. Gentle. He placed a hand on Shinji’s shoulder. Shinji frowned.

“I might have had a bit too much,” Shinji said. He leaned his head against the cool surface of the bar. Kaworu rubbed his shoulder. 

“I didn’t know that you would come here, Shinji, and alone, too. I didn’t think it was your kind of place.” Kaworu continued massaging his shoulder in a comforting gesture. “I didn’t think you were the type to drink, either, to be quite honest.”

“Yeah, well, you mean something to me, Kaworu,” Shinji said. He lifted his head up and noticed Kaworu looking at him.

“Shinji, you know you mean a lot to me as well. I meet people every day who tell me all kinds of meaningless things, but you’re different. I feel like we really connect, Shinji.”

Shinji was sure everyone in the room was staring at them. His face felt hot under the strobe lights. He leaned in to kiss Kaworu, but he felt a single finger against his lips, stopping him. Their eyes met.

“Why don’t we go somewhere private?” Kaworu asked. “Not here in the club. I’m thinking of a place where we can be alone.”

Shinji was a bit shocked at this statement, but he still took Kaworu’s hand and wove with him through the crowd. They headed towards the exit, only breaking the grip on each other’s hands when they reached the doors. “My shift is almost up,” Kaworu admitted. “It’s getting late. They won’t miss me if I leave.”

Kaworu held open the double doors for Shinji and led him to the car, where Shinji stumbled over the pavement and managed to get into the passenger’s side. Kaworu climbed into the driver’s seat and took the wheel, driving away from the club.

“I want to be with you, Kaworu,” Shinji mumbled. Kaworu just smiled, and drove the car a few blocks, to the nearest hotel. They parked, and Shinji looked up at the neon sign, then up at Kaworu.

“But we’re still in the red light district, Kaworu. This is a love hotel.”

“If you’re uncomfortable with this I’ll take you home. I thought this was what you wanted,” Kaworu cupped Shinji’s face with one hand, brushing his hair back.

“It is what I want,” Shinji decided. “I said I wanted to be with you, and I meant it.”

They went inside, and the doors swung shut behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be smut in the next chapter.
> 
> Also, I'll probably end the fic after the next chapter or the chapter after that because i like to keep my multichapter fics short.


End file.
